I think I have always been a pretty
non-judgmental person and I have been blessed with, (or cursed with) the
ability to see all sides of any story. I
was an ER nurse for 45 years. A guy could come into the ER with a fork sticking
out of the side of his head and tell me he got so mad at his brother that he
stabbed himself in the head, and I would say "Have a seat, the doctor will be
with you shortly."
So it surprises me in this day and age
how judgmental we seem to be with each other. It is not in my DNA to presume to
know what is best for any other human being, even my own children. They are
adults with lives of their own and they both know better than me how they should
do things. If I am asked my opinion, I will give an honest one, but otherwise, I
keep my lip zipped.
Therefore when I turned on an afternoon
talk show recently, I was surprised at a debate between a panel of stay at home
moms versus a panel of working moms. I can't believe we are still having this
conversation! The working moms were calling the stay at home moms lazy, while
the stay at home moms were accusing the working moms of paying other people to
take care of their children. I was always a working mom, because A, there were
bills to be paid, and Two, I liked my job and I liked to work. After taking
three years off to have my children I found myself one day bragging about having
used whole wheat flour instead of white in a batch of cookies and immediately
decided I must go back to work. I worked forever after until I retired last
year, and as far as I can see, my kids turned out just fine. So while watching
this show, I was thinking, okay, I can solve this problem in about three
seconds. You guys over there? You want to stay at home? Into your minivans, and
off you go. You over there? You say you want to work outside the home? Put on
your work shoes and have a good day. Problem solved.
The judgment I see, especially among
young mothers, is just silly. You do things your way, someone else does it
theirs. No one is wrong and everyone should be happy.
I felt some of this judgment myself two
weeks ago, when, with Brad and Traci away, I took my Baby Bean to her ballet
class. The chirpy young dance instructor started the lesson by asking each child
what they had for breakfast. The first little girl said "I had yogurt and
fruit". The second little cherub said "I had oatmeal with fruit". Hmmm, I
thought, I do not like the direction this is taking. Around the circle we went
with each little one topping the one before. I expected the next tiny tot to say
she had two perfectly poached free-range eggs nestled on a bed of sautéed
organic spinach with a garlic reduction. Soon enough it was Colbies turn. "I
HAD FROSTED MINI WHEATS!" she shouted out proudly! Well, all eyes turned to me,
her breakfast-challenged Nana. From the look on their faces she might as well
have said she had two double stuffed Oreos with a side of Sweet Tarts and a
glass of coke.
You go on Facebook, and someone
jokingly asks "which one of your children do you like best?' You can hear the
collective gasps, while someone searches frantically for a Dislike button. I am
pretty sure that this remark was intended as a JOKE! I think the problem with
society today is that we have all lost our sense of humor. You can debate for
hours why this is so, but the bottom line is, how do you get through life
without having a good laugh now and again. I don't think we are doing our
children any favors by modeling this sort of uptight behaviour. Sometimes you
just have to laugh.
It's not just young people either. The
other day my Mom made the mistake of (gasp) going" in" to Walmart through the
"out" door. Oh the travesty! A gentleman took her aside and tore a strip off her
right then and there. Please....my mother is 87 years old. She has worked hard,
raised children, paid taxes and been a good citizen. If she wants to go in the
out door, please get out of her way and leave her alone!
So everyone, please take a deep breath
and lighten up. There is plenty to fuss over....don't make stuff up. Live and
Let live. As my Mom used to always say, There's more than one way to skin a cat.
(Of course this saying gave me nightmares when I was a kid, but now I understand
it. Or maybe not. Mom, what the heck does that mean anyway?)
But you get my drift. Take it easy on each other. Do things your way,
and let others do the same. Learn from each other. Don't be so busy" telling"
that you forget to hear. It's all good. We need to start supporting each other
instead of pulling each other down.
And by the way, I defy any mother of
small children to say that they have never liked one kid more than another at
one time or another. It's a tough job, raising kids. If you can't laugh now, you
will never make it through the teen years.
Bean there done that, its all good.
