Bean there done that!

I think I have always been a pretty non-judgmental person and I have been blessed with, (or cursed with) the ability to see all sides of any story. I was an ER nurse for 45 years. A guy could come into the ER with a fork sticking out of the side of his head and tell me he got so mad at his brother that he stabbed himself in the head, and I would say "Have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly."

So it surprises me in this day and age how judgmental we seem to be with each other. It is not in my DNA to presume to know what is best for any other human being, even my own children. They are adults with lives of their own and they both know better than me how they should do things. If I am asked my opinion, I will give an honest one, but otherwise, I keep my lip zipped.

Therefore when I turned on an afternoon talk show recently, I was surprised at a debate between a panel of stay at home moms versus a panel of working moms. I can't believe we are still having this conversation! The working moms were calling the stay at home moms lazy, while the stay at home moms were accusing the working moms of paying other people to take care of their children. I was always a working mom, because A, there were bills to be paid, and Two, I liked my job and I liked to work. After taking three years off to have my children I found myself one day bragging about having used whole wheat flour instead of white in a batch of cookies and immediately decided I must go back to work. I worked forever after until I retired last year, and as far as I can see, my kids turned out just fine. So while watching this show, I was thinking, okay, I can solve this problem in about three seconds. You guys over there? You want to stay at home? Into your minivans, and off you go. You over there? You say you want to work outside the home? Put on your work shoes and have a good day. Problem solved.

The judgment I see, especially among young mothers, is just silly. You do things your way, someone else does it theirs. No one is wrong and everyone should be happy.

I felt some of this judgment myself two weeks ago, when, with Brad and Traci away, I took my Baby Bean to her ballet class. The chirpy young dance instructor started the lesson by asking each child what they had for breakfast. The first little girl said "I had yogurt and fruit". The second little cherub said "I had oatmeal with fruit". Hmmm, I thought, I do not like the direction this is taking. Around the circle we went with each little one topping the one before. I expected the next tiny tot to say she had two perfectly poached free-range eggs nestled on a bed of sautéed organic spinach with a garlic reduction. Soon enough it was Colbies turn. "I HAD FROSTED MINI WHEATS!" she shouted out proudly! Well, all eyes turned to me, her breakfast-challenged Nana. From the look on their faces she might as well have said she had two double stuffed Oreos with a side of Sweet Tarts and a glass of coke.

 You go on Facebook, and someone jokingly asks "which one of your children do you like best?' You can hear the collective gasps, while someone searches frantically for a Dislike button. I am pretty sure that this remark was intended as a JOKE! I think the problem with society today is that we have all lost our sense of humor. You can debate for hours why this is so, but the bottom line is, how do you get through life without having a good laugh now and again. I don't think we are doing our children any favors by modeling this sort of uptight behaviour. Sometimes you just have to laugh.
It's not just young people either. The other day my Mom made the mistake of (gasp) going" in" to Walmart through the "out" door. Oh the travesty! A gentleman took her aside and tore a strip off her right then and there. mother is 87 years old. She has worked hard, raised children, paid taxes and been a good citizen. If she wants to go in the out door, please get out of her way and leave her alone!

So everyone, please take a deep breath and lighten up. There is plenty to fuss over....don't make stuff up. Live and Let live. As my Mom used to always say, There's more than one way to skin a cat. (Of course this saying gave me nightmares when I was a kid, but now I understand it. Or maybe not. Mom, what the heck does that mean anyway?)

But you get my drift. Take it easy on each other. Do things your way, and let others do the same. Learn from each other. Don't be so busy" telling" that you forget to hear. It's all good. We need to start supporting each other instead of pulling each other down.

And by the way, I defy any mother of small children to say that they have never liked one kid more than another at one time or another. It's a tough job, raising kids. If you can't laugh now, you will never make it through the teen years.

Bean there done that, its all good.


LaughOutLoud said...

Grandma Bean, you are a breath of fresh air and I love your outlook on life. We all need reminding to not take everything so seriously. Thank you......and I agree, you did a great job........that daughter of yours is something special! Thanks for sharing.

Virtuous Woman Exposed said...

I totally have a favorite! The sleeping one! I completely agree with you on the topic of chill out and just support one another! I remember making a comment on a blog post of mine about feeling like I was making a sacrifice as a SAHM, wow someone tore a strip off of me for that! Seriously, it's that much of a touchy issue that a SAHM or WM can't express their heart. It's ridiculous. We're all in this together, raising the next generation!